I used to think it was just me, but after existing in the art world for a while and getting to know some of my peers, I now see that we artists really do all come up against the same faux pas over, and over, and over again. Like most misconceptions and assumptions, they get more irritating with repetition, too. Life's fun like that. Here's a little how-to guide on how to irritate your favorite artists, if that's truly what you aspire to. Pretty much anything on this list will work like a charm.

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1. Ask us for free shit.

This one works especially well if you can clearly see that we keep shops where we sell prints of our work, or accept commissions to bring in extra money. It works even better if you treat us like we should be flattered you even asked. Most artists do what they do because they love it, but it's still their profession. They like being asked to paint a portrait of your cat for free about as much as you like being asked to come in and work an extra shift at your job for nothing.


2. Steal our work and use it to decorate your My Space without asking for permission.

This is another one where you get extra points for acting like we should feel flattered, because I can assure you we won't. I plan on discussing it on a more in-depth basis when I get around to writing about copyright, but for now, suffice it to say that unless some special negotiation has been made by the artist in question, all artists own the copyrights to their work. You aren't legally allowed to do anything with it without that artist's permission, including post it on your My Space because you think it's pretty. It's stealing, and all artists hate you with the fire of a thousand suns for doing it.


3. Take #2 a step further and claim our work as your own.

I wish I had a dollar for every person I've caught making layouts or avatars with my work without having asked my permission, offering it up to other people for their own personal use... and demanding that anyone who uses what they made give them credit for their hard work. This is despite the fact that nowhere do these people give me any credit for making the original art they stole. Needless to say, if an artist catches someone doing this, that person should probably sleep with one eye open for a while. Just sayin'. Don't even get me started on what will probably happen if an artist catches you trying to make money off of their work. I can pretty much guarantee that it will start off with your being sued for damages.


4. Ask us if we take requests.

We're not jukeboxes. Nor are we street musicians playing for tips on the corner of Wherever and Main. Even if it doesn't seem like they normally sell their work, most artists will be far more flattered, and far less likely to cut you, if you ask whether or not they are accepting commissions. Offer to pay us to make what you want, and don't get irritated with us when we want more than 5 dollars from you to do it. You also might want to make sure you're asking us to do something that suits our personal artistic style, which brings me to our next point.


5. Assume that to an artist, all media, artistic styles, and subject matter is the same.

An artist who sculpts in ceramics will probably not be willing, or able, to paint a photorealistic landscape in oils. A fine artist who does paint photorealistic landscapes will probably not care to be asked if they could sketch you a cartoon or two. Before asking an artist to make you something in a particular style or medium, look through their portfolio and see if that's even something they do first.

For some reason, I always have people asking me if I can whip them up some anime. Why? I really don't know, since there's nothing in my portfolio that looks like even a distant cousin to anime. I don't even know how to draw anything like that. Why don't I learn to draw anime if so many people want that from me, you ask? It's simple. I don't want to. I don't like anything about anime. I also have no passion or ability to work in that style. It's true that there are artists out there that are quite varied, but most of us have our own style that we stick to for a reason. Once again, that brings me to my next point.


6. Ask us to imitate the style of another artist.

You get double piss-off points if the artist you want us to imitate is another independent artist who just happens to be super in-demand right now in a way that we ourselves have yet to become. This will give us the impression that you either already approached the other artist and they didn't want to take your project, or that they were willing to take your project but expected you to pay way more than you wanted to, so you decided the next best thing would be going to someone you see as a lesser artist and asking them to make you a cheap knock-off. Doing this to us will pretty much guarantee a cutting. We want to be appreciated for our own work and our own styles... not our possible ability to copy someone else's. Wouldn't you?


7. Put our work down and tell us we need to "learn to accept a critique" when we proceed to kick your ass.

Snotty comments that put down our personal style, tastes in subject matter, or the media we work in are not critiques. Your retarded opinion in the form of "I just don't like it because I don't like purple" is not a critique. That's just insulting ass-baggery that your average artist won't appreciate, and you're best off keeping it to yourself.

Critiques are constructive comments, preferably from someone who actually knows what they're talking about, that we can use to improve our technique so we keep getting better each time we sit down to create. If you're not clear on what type of commentary constitutes a professional critique, don't try to give one until you are.

Critiques are welcome and valued by most serious artists. Ass-baggery is definitely not. So many people's lack of skill in knowing the difference is exactly the reason so many artists out there just throw up their hands and ask people not to give them critiques at all.


8. Ask us why we we didn't pick a "real" career.

Call a would-be professional artist's art "a hobby" the way some of my ex-whatevers have in the past for extra pain. I double-dog dare you. Maybe it's not what you would pick for yourself, and maybe it's not the most sure-fire way to become filthy rich under the sun, but not only is art a career, but it's a career I wish more people would respect and take seriously. The world would be a dull, dull place without its graphic designers, illustrators, cartoonists, and fine artists -- not to mention its musicians, actors, chefs, fashion designers, and authors. Am I right? We artists are pretty damned attached to what we do, and we take it really seriously. We'd love it if you did, too.